Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day again. Mother's days is a bittersweet time for me.
I know I may be a little biased, but I had the best mother in the world. She was a very unselfish Christian lady who put up with a lot of crap in her life, but was not bitter or jaded because of it. She always put her kids in front of herself, and she was always as involved as she could be in all of our lives - going to ball games, shopping, etc. Most of the time she was the income for our family. She was the one who took me to church. She was the one who understood my struggle with depression, even though we never talked as much as I should have about it. My mom died in 1991 at 52. I was 17...a senior in high school, so I never knew my mom as an adult. I feel cheated because of that - there have been alot of times over the last 17 1/2 years that I wish that I could talk to her, ask her opinion, or just tell her that I love her. She didn't get to see any of her grandchildren born...although I'm sure she sees them from Heaven, she didn't see me get married (maybe she would have talked me out of it???), or see me graduate from high school, or any of those other "BIG" milestones. There's alot that I don't remember about my mom, and I enjoy when simple things in life bring back memories of her and times we shared.
One of the best memories I have of my mom was when I was 4 years old - my mom picked me up from K4 kindergarden (she was a working mom, so normally my grandmother usually picked me up), we rode through the country, stopped at a convience store (a rare occurance in my family) and she bought me a snack (chips and a drink I think), and we went to a dentist appt for her. It was a good day. It was a simple day, but a good one.
I also remember us living in Fountain Inn and having our in-ground pool...mama couldn't swim, but enjoyed being in the pool. She mostly stayed in the shallow end, but she would make her rounds around the deep end holding onto the side of the pool...being silly while she did it.

There were many years that I did not believe that I could have kids. I would say that Mother's Day was the hardest during those years - I didn't have my mom and I didn't have a child of my own that I really wanted...so it was EMPTY....then thanks to my doctor and a wondeful drug called Femara, I was able to get pregnant, and a little over three years ago I had my sweet sweet little boy. He brings me so much joy each day, and he drives me nuts all at the same times. He is so stubborn, but gets it honestly from me. He loves to cuddle, and suck his thumb, and give butt wiggle hugs....and loves to fuss, and hit, and cry. He's a good child and I hope that I can be a good mom to him. I admit one of my biggest fears is that I will die while he is young, and he will be left with alot of questions like I have that I wish I could ask my mom. I want to live to be an old annoying lady so that I can see my Sean grow up and hopefully have kids of his own. Nothing is better than hearing "I love you mommy" I hope that I can teach Sean the important things in life, and raise him to know God, and to love and respect others.
I love my little guy...I talk about him ALL the time, and want everyone to know him and love him like I do :) I love to hear him giggle, and to nuggle with him. And I love to see him learn and laugh